"ok" is never enough...

Sometimes I get into what I call a 'good funk' where I get a reality check that reminds me I am not where I want to be.

Although discontentment is not the greatest feeling ... it helps me to re-evaluate my situation, check myself, and make plans to step it up.

It can be quite draining to constantly feel like I'm not good enough. There's a lingering feeling of self-doubt and a sense of inadequacy -- and I seriously lose sleep over this a lot... but it's also what makes me feel pumped to be better, to do more, to get motivated to go after my aspirations and be much more than what I am.

The truth is, disappointment in myself is the driving force that ignites my fire to push forward.

but ... will I ever be satisfied?

updated my modeling portfolio

After being bugged by my agents for quite some time, I finally got around to updating my online modeling portfolio and resume. fun fun. maybe I'll get to do some fun projects this year.

Here's some of my most recent portfolio shots:


headshot by Alex Chik
Alex contacted me via Model Mayhem to do a lighting test shoot for headshots, and I'm really glad he did. =) He's passionate about photography, has incredible sense of aesthetics, and pays attention to detail (which is very important!). He's also a super friendly Canadian, and I felt like I had known him for years. Fun shoot!

The next three are from my last shoot with buddy John Louie. He always wants to go for the mysterious seductive or moody style. John Louie is always down to hang out and shoot, so I have a lot of pix by him. We always have a good time though it get's pretty cold in SF! Here are some of my favs.







Last but not least, I got a pretty good portfolio pic from my engagement shoot with Jerry Yoon (our most fabulous wedding photographer).


and the close up:


JT and I did another shoot with Jerry recently, and I can't wait to see those pix.

Buy Gweneth Paltrow on eBay

Gwyneth Paltrow's clothes on eBay... 42 stylish items! Check it out!

...and I thought I looked bad with no makeup!

Oh mannn... I feel bad for posting this... but I was kinda shocked when I watched Making the Band 4 last night, and saw Dawn and Aundrea from Danity Kane without makeup! scary!

Glammed up


On MTB4




1) If you know you're gonna be on camera, please put on some makeup!

2) Take better care of your skin! drink more water? proactive? shiseido? anything!?

LOL, apparently I'm not the only one who thinks so...

Isn't it awkward...

When ppl fall asleep on you in long car rides? Hehehe

adam lambert is that reallly you?

Is that really him?!! was he swapped out as a kid?

Adam Lambert then:



Adam Lambert now:


looks more like my friend Pete:


hahaha

Adam Lambert

I was sooo bummed that AI ran over last night and Adam's performance was cut off on my dVR! =p

For those of you who missed Adam's performance last night, here it is:

Online Shopping deals

When I was in shopping in Vegas a couple weeks ago, I tried on the CUTEST black dress at Arden B. It honestly doesn't look that cute just on the rack, but looks super cute on:


Unfortunately, there was only one left, and it had a broken zipper. So I told myself I'd go back and get it online. Sometimes when this happens, you end up forgetting about it and moving on.. but i did not forget about it =) so finally i went online and ordered it today.

In the process, I also found this cute dress:
and got it in yellow =) yay preparing for the summer time!

Both dresses were on sale for only $48, AND i got an additional 20% off discount with this discount code: ABBDAY0209

woohooo!

-s

Ever been de-friended?

I just saw this post on yelp forums about de-friending which I thought was kinda interesting:

Some dude deleted me as a friend on FB a couple days ago. No idea why.
Barely said more than a few words to him. Thing is, on FB you can just click "see less from this person" if they really annoy you. Why he went so far as to remove me leaves me a bit puzzled.

I've always been the de-friender (on Yelp mostly never FB) not the de-friended.
Guess there's a first time for everything : /

Adding friends on facebook is not something you should do nonchalantly because you are essentially giving people e-stalking access to your life -- access to information like what you've been doing, who you've been hanging out with, pictures of you, conversations you have with other people, etc. Some people add only their close friends to facebook, but as for me, I've generally been pretty open with facebook friend adding. As long as I've actually interacted with a person before on friendly terms, I'll generally be open to adding people initially.

However, I de-friend ppl all the time... and to me it's never anything personal.

What's my general de-friending criteria?

1) Wait, who is this person again? Oops, I don't know you at all, how the heck did you get on my friends list? (Delete!)

2) I barely know this person but they requested me so I add them... and it doesn't seem like they are really trying to get to know me better. They just want to quietly e-stalk. If I ran into them in person, would they even say hi to me?! probably not... (Delete!)

3) Oh yah, I remember you from years and years ago. Were we even friends? Maybe we could re-connect... months later you've been on my FB for a while and you never respond to me. (Delete!) Sometimes I add people I haven't seen for a while thinking we're going to reconnect... and maybe it doesn't always work out that way. (delete!)

4) After adding someone, I realize they are just adding ppl for the sake of having a huge friend list... they don't actually care about me personally... and probably won't even notice if I delete them. (Delete!)

5)Some people delete friends because they have too many irrelevant updates, or spam and it get's annoying. I don't have much of that on FB, but I get it on myspace all the time, and I go and delete those people.

I think it totally makes sense why this guy would delete the girl above if she has barely spoken to him. If someone on my friend list decided to delete me for any of the reasons above, I probably wouldn't think much of it... I would care more if there was some kind of 'falling out' that I didn't know about.

I think the best thing to do if you are feeling hurt or offended by being de-friended w/o an explanation with, is to reach out directly to them rather than sitting around wondering what went wrong. And if it is someone you barely spoke to and don't really care to speak to, just let it go... people drift apart.

Inu n bev

twistori

I think twistori (http://twistori.com/) is pretty dang cool. There's just something uniquely therapeutic about passive discovery... whether it's discovery of a stranger's random thoughts that you can somehow relate to ... or the discovery of a product you didn't know you wanted until it crossed your visual periphery.

...kinda reminds me of the "eBay window shopping" idea we tried to pitch but didn't pan out...

Tracks of my Tears..

People say I'm the life of the party
Because I tell a joke or two
Although I might be laughing loud and hearty
Deep inside I'm blue
So take a good look at my face
You'll see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer, it's easy to trace
The tracks of my tears..


LOVE THIS!

awkward tree!!!!!

Awkward Tree - A term describing the arm placed above and next to your head with the hand splayed out in the form of a tree and simultaneously declaring "Awkward tree!..."; this is used when a particularly awkward moment occurs.

hehehehe many awkward tree moments this weekend. LOL

Goodbye Apathy

I can't sleep, no, not like I used to
I can't breathe in and out like I need to
It's breaking ice.. now, to make any movement
What's your vice? you know that mine's the illusion
And all at once (as i'm trying) I can help you out (
just to keep things right)
I'll be what you need (I kill myself to make
everything perfect for ya)
Goodbye apathy, so long apathy

Now I'm really boycotting chris brown!!

http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/Music/03/05/chris.brown.charged/index.html

Just can't believe she's taking him back after all that =( Makes me feel really sad for her.

adam lambert is fricken hot! =P

Happy bday to Roel

VDay flowers from my Hubby

The most recent home improvements!!

JT and I got our second wind and have been working on our house hard-core again. Yep, this is what we've been doing with our spare time!

Check out our latest improvements:
This was my own personal initiative... after I painted the fireplace white, I thought the nook would look way better white as well! But I do have to give some credit to JT, as he was the one to help me finish it off nicely.

PROJECT NOOK

Before


After:


Then, I purchased these awesome new white roman blinds from JCPenney, ON SALE, and JT installed them:



PROJECT LIGHTING
All our old 70s style fan lights are switched out!! JT did all the installations himself. he's awesome. woohooo:

Before:


After:




PROJECT WINDOWS
For a while, I was freezing my butt off with the old single pane crappy windows that came with our house. So I started doing some research and interviewed a bunch of general contractors, and found Ruben's Construction! They gave the BEST deal and his team did an amaaaazing job installing them all in one day. We replaced a total of six for.. under 2k!

BEFORE:


AFTER:


Aside from those things. I also FINALLY installed a doorbell, and switched out our ugly mailbox

San diego sunset